


One Day I Will

by DAgron01



Category: Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAgron01/pseuds/DAgron01
Summary: Just a small insight into Harrowhark post book, because I can't get her out of my head. And she can't get Gideon out of hers.
Relationships: Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	One Day I Will

Harrow criticized Gideon's face paint so that Gideon would give in and let her paint it for her. It was such an intimate act, being so close to Gideon. And it was the highlight of her day. Or being real, the highlight of her existence. But she wasn't allowed to be happy about it. Or revel in it. Or want it. She didn't deserve good things.

So instead, she continued picking fights with her so Gideon would pay attention to her. Just like she had always tried to kill Gideon back home-- so she would have to stay and fight. She understood now that it's the WRONG way to show someone affection, but Harrow is the sum of 200 dead kids and her parents killed themselves when she was 10 so she doesn't know any better.

By all accounts, she shouldn't even know HOW to love...except that she does love. She loves Gideon more than what she knows how to deal with. She loves her in a way that is foreign, because she never even learned to love herself. But she tries. Every day she tries. And now Gideon went and fucked it all up by dying...and Harrow still doesn't know how to not love her.

So she will work on forgiving herself and loving herself, on living and maybe on being WORTHY of being loved in return. So that when Gideon comes back (because there is no IF), she is ready. Ready to not only love her properly, but to be loved sincerely and deeply. And when that happens, then perhaps her entire wretched life will have been worth it.


End file.
